legacy

This week was very exciting as my son’s first art exhibition opened to the public.  His installation consisting of videos, stills, paintings and construction, attracted much attention and curiosity because it was based on my family home.  He has been visiting his grandparents in India since he was five months old but it was after I watched the movie with his voice over that I realised how much he had absorbed about my life there without me directing his thoughts or saying much.

Of course, I was very proud that his work was selected for this exhibition and that it was received well.  But the most gratifying thing was that somehow by osmosis, he had absorbed ideas about expressing himself creatively by perhaps watching me.  Everyone wants to be creative but when one is able to inspire creativity in others, that is also a great thing. So I was amazed as well as chuffed.

As parents or carers, what we give to our children is something that we don’t speak about. What they are watching is what we do, not what we say.  My son is a teenager and we have the kind of arguments that parents of teenagers have with them.  So in that respect he is ‘normal’.  But overcoming those issues, he has managed to transmit our relationship and that of his with his grandparents into a tangible art form that others can appreciate. Awhile back, I had commented on my mother’s sewing and how I now display her work in my home as works of art.  So she had transmitted her love of creation to me and I have done that to my child.

So never underestimate your own creativity and what you might be transmitting to your children or anyone young.

The mirror

How we see ourselves is very different from how others see us- this continually surprises me.  Do we really see ourselves as we are or see ourselves as powerless, ugly or even useless?  Or, do we see ourselves as powerful, beautiful and creative?

This week I have been down with several health problems to add to my chronic illness.  I have felt let down by the medical system which prescribes drugs without checking the effect on a patient with long term conditions.  And I have been angry and felt useless- unable to work.   I felt ugly too.  At times I sat and stared at the screen, or at a piece of paper without as much as typing or writing a single word.  To inspire myself, I wrote to a colleague who is struggling with cancer which seems to come back again and again.  She has to wear a ‘bag’ to drain liquids and go for chemotherapy at least once a week.  Yet to me, she looks lovely and elegant.  I asked to interview her about how she balances work and health and looks so fabulous. I thought this might inspire ( or even kick) me back into work.

My jaw dropped when she wrote back to me, ‘One of the things that I would love to talk to you about is how you balance being a high-achieving woman with your health issues.’ What, me?!  Was she really talking about me?  It took me some time for this to sink in.  I wanted to protest- ‘No that is not me, you’ve got it all wrong!’  Then it occurred to me that perhaps she might have thought the same way about herself when she got my email.  That she looked at me very differently from how I saw myself.  That we might be seeing mirror images of each other- each person thinking that the other was somehow better or more fortunate.  Yet we are both powerful, beautiful and creative.  That I had done for her what she had done for me.

So this is what I now do.  I keep a small pocket mirror near me and whenever I feel down, I look at my reflection say,  ‘You are powerful, beautiful and creative!’  This is very powerful and magical!  As Nichiren says, “When you bow to a mirror, the reflected image bows back”.

Life happens, stuff happens- sometimes good, sometimes bad.  How does one keep being creative all the time?  When I am happy, I actually don’t feel like doing anything creative.  Surprisingly it is when I have been sad or ill, that is when I have been most creative.  I had a stroke about four years ago, just after receiving a contract to write a 320 page-book.  I had 71 blood tests, 5 scans and one operation.  I also had to deal with a terrible situation at work during that time.  The photo above shows the painting I did when I could not write and then after being able to sit up, I finished the book in nine months.  That painting became the book cover.

Henri Matisse’s works are testament to the incredible vitality of the artist at a time when his body was increasingly frail after life-saving surgery for duodenal cancer in 1941. Overcoming the physical limitations being wheelchair bound, Matisse reinvented himself as an artist,  from working with paint to collage.  Calling this period “ma seconde vie”, he used scissors and water-based gouache painted paper to create vivid cut out collages.  He called it ‘painting with scissors’.  He said of that time, “Every day that dawns is a gift to me and I take it in that way. I accept it gratefully without looking beyond it. I completely forget my physical suffering and all the unpleasantness of my present condition and I think only of the joy of seeing the sun rise once more and of being able to work a little bit”.

The author of ‘The Diving Bell and the Butterfly’ is a memoir by French journalist Jean-Dominique Bauby. Pre-stroke, Bauby had a great life being the editor of the Elle fashion magazine. However, his greatest creative act came after suffering a massive stroke in 1995 that left him with locked-in syndrome in which the only movement he could do was blinking his eyes.  The memoir was written by him blinking his left eyelid, which took ten months (four hours a day). Using partner assisted scanning, a transcriber repeatedly recited a frequency-ordered alphabet, until Bauby blinked to choose a letter. The book took about 200,000 blinks to write and an average word took approximately two minutes.

In an interview with the BBC, Judith Palmer, the director of the Poetry Society said that ‘There is no reason why rich poets can’t feel the hope, love, loss and wonderment they need to create their work. Money solves a lot of problems but it doesn’t stop you going through emotional trauma or suffering bereavement.’ But many artists and creative people have actually chosen ‘voluntary poverty’ in order to be more creative.  In the mid-19th Century, visitors flocked to the cottage of John Clare, the ‘peasant poet’ who lived and worked in grinding poverty. Charles Baudelaire who squandered his inheritance and sank into debt, said: “Any healthy man can go without food for two days – but not without poetry.” Even today, we imagine that life has to be hard in order to be creative and unconsciously set about making our lives hard or give ourselves a hard time, even!

However, I feel that choosing this kind of life of ‘bohemian or voluntary’ poverty or to subject one’s body extreme conditions, in order to be creative, is not really true creativity.  It is the opposite. True creativity is when one can use any life circumstance to be creative as Bauby, Matisse and others have done.  Polly Stenham, who wrote her first play aged 19, and went on to have it performed at the Royal Court theatre in London, talks about illness in her family, ‘..I think having an ill parent..can be a gift.  And you have to look at it like that. I wouldn’t have been a playwright had I not had to deal with it”.  Friesian poet Tsead Bruinja says that he no longer has such a narrow conception of the art-form, and thinks poems can come out of all kinds of life experiences. “There’s poetry everywhere,” he says. Yes, indeed- life is our true master; life is the one place where we can find all creativity.

 

 

three secrets of a successful micro-business

As a self employed creative, I have been reading business books on creativity and business for many years.  Through these years I became aware that I did not wish to create a business empire but do what I do efficiently and productively; that I did not mean to mass produce but only produce something that was well designed and beautifully made; and not be a mad bad crazy person that creatives are thought to be but live a balanced, joyful and creative life.  I am sure that many of you also wish to live like that- we are not all Warren Buffet, Richard Branson or Bill Gates or even Steve Jobs (notice all are men which I am not!)

Most of the advice I read or listened to was not about small or micro- businesses- but about how to mass produce, how to make huge profits and how to influence widely.  There was not much advice if you just want to live a simple, creative, healthy and joyful life- following your heart- and making enough money to achieve all this.  I wanted to distill all the stuff I had read and listened to, in to some essential aspects which could apply equally to any scale of business.  What could I distill out of all that I had read and give back to you?  I found that essentially it boils down to three lives we lead- the contributive life,  the balanced life and the joyful life.

1. The contributive life:  This term was coined by Tsunesaburo Makiguchi, a Japanese educator and philosopher.  He said that our life should be about contributing to the whole of which we are en essential and creative part.  So if you are doing work that contributes to society, that work will be naturally meaningful and productive.  As part of cause and effect, you will find that your needs are satisfied in the most amazing ways- I have had people helping me out on things without asking for money because I helped them before.

The contributive life is an anti-dote to the monetary life.

2. The balanced life:  Contrary to what many people think, Yoga is not a series of stretching exercises or a type of mediation.  Yoga is about the balanced life- where you r health matters as much as anybody else’s, where you eat and sleep in moderation and where your work and personal lives balance.  This is the middle way- not extremes and our task is to find a middle way every day.  Sometimes, it may mean we do more work, sometimes it means we take more rest- everyday is a day of finding a balance for our physical needs and creativity.

The balanced life is our everyday practice of living.

3. The joyful life: Finally, if your work or business does not give joy to you, is not contributive or balanced, then let go of it.  Find something that tugs at your heart strings, pulls you towards it and asks you play the music of life.  If you are not smiling and forgetting the time, than it is not a work that you love.  For seven years, I was doing teaching that I thought was a contributive work but it was not a balanced life I was leading nor was it making me happy.  I finally left it and now I find myself doing similar work but on my own terms.  I have set up a charity for this and use my lectures, teaching and work to improve the lives of others.  The joy I feel out of this, is immeasurable and priceless.

Find your joy, follow your heart!

everyday creativity

These are couple of embroidered items made by my mother when she was in her teens.  All hand stitched with amazing colours and details. My mother is now 75, the cataract in her eyes do not let thread a needle and her fingers are no longer nimble and active due to arthritis. Knowing how much I value her handiwork, she gave me many items- as have other relatives too.

I believed that my mother was not a creative person.  Yet not only did she make these exquisite items but also all our clothes and underwear.  We were poor and did not have the money to buy ‘ready made’ clothes.  With remarkable ingenuity, she made the best of each length of cloth and left overs which she got as a special deal and re-purposed items of clothing we outgrew.  I still have a blouse that used to be pyjamas once.  My mother made use of every scrap of food too- we were a zero waste household long before this became a fashionable term.  Couple of days ago, she told me that she had 15 tomatoes growing in her little container.  How did she manage that when I have tried special seeds, fertiliser and pot and achieved not much?  Her technique simply consisted of throwing ‘soft’ unusable tomatoes in the soil and watering it with water left from washing vegetables, using used tea leaves and other green waste for compost.

I used to think that creativity needed a studio, materials and time.  My mother’s everyday creativity did not need any of these things.  These were her everyday acts of creativity defying the lack of money and time, achieved in between bringing up three children on very little.  I am humbled by her and ashamed that I did not realise this before.  Let us celebrate the miracle of everyday creativity of people – we are all creative people!

Reading tea

Everyday my tea offers something on the piece of paper at the end of the string. I look forward to it- sometimes as advice, sometimes as encouragement and sometimes as a friendly warning. I have been going through a difficult time- following my heart has been made almost impossible. Long standing friends have accused me of being afraid, of giving in and of ‘not being in solidarity’ with them on an important campaign. However many times, I have considered this, I have felt unable to support them. I have often wondered why these friends cannot be comfortable with different opinions about the same thing or consider different solutions to the same problem.

Last night as I sat sipping my tea before bed, I finally saw that my friends’ opposition to my views have actually made me more creative. I began to understand why I felt uncomfortable with their views and uncover my own reasons for not going along with them. Previously there was just this uncomfortable feeling and now it is rationalised. It may be that I am proved wrong in the future but for now, I have to go with what I feel. It is important to give this space to those thoughts we hold dear. My problem has become my opportunity for personal growth, only by deeply considering it for a long time and staying true to my heart. When I looked for my ‘tea advice’ last night, it was- “if you can’t see God in all, then you can’t see God at all.” This is very good, I thought, and can apply to anyone. I can substitute the word ‘God’ with Buddha, Allah, creativity, problem….and it still reads well. It was perfect for me. I slept well last night. My tea brought me comfort and showed me that life’s problems can be turned into opportunities and I can learn to see the good in all that it offers. I wonder what tonight’s tea will bring.

Have a great week!

the creative activist

I have always been an activist- political, social and environmental.  There is much I have been involved in and very proud to have done so.  But at what cost?  Activism has taken up a lot of my creative time.  I know when I am writing those emails and letters about some global issue, I am not doing creative work.  After all these years, I now realise that one can be a creative activist, i.e. someone who changes the world by ‘creative doing’.  Creative  doing is about leaving a lasting legacy,  a visible mark and making something that speaks without shouting.  I had been shouting too much and now my throat was hoarse, I could not sing.  So here is my plan-

1. Listen more, speak less- this is so difficult for me as I tend to speak so much, volumes of it because I love to communicate.  Now I am going to choose my words carefully.  Like Confucius who would bind and unbind his hair nine times before speaking, I must restrain myself and only give the best.

2. Spend 90% of my day doing something creative or useful- like writing this blog which I love instead of writing those complaint letters or campaigns.  Can I speak through my creativity?  I need to trust that I will change the world for the better by my creativity, not through confrontation.  Sometimes of course we need to complain but often our entire time can get sucked in by that negativity instead of changing the world through our positive energy.

3. Write a 30 second summary of something I read or heard today that touched me- I got this idea from a Linkedin article.  Whereas that article referred only to speeches, I have added written materials as well because we don’t hear speeches every day.  This will help to do the above two things- communicate wisely and better and get inspiration for more creativity.

Living Lightly- Part II

From my last post, you will read that I bought two books after a lot of thought because I have been trying to decrease the numbers of books I have, not increase them.  These two books have turned out to be quite amazing, just right for me.  They go to show that when you buy something with thoughtfulness, then it truly is the right thing for your life.

I am writing about the first book- ‘Works of Henry David Thoreau’.  I love his writing- ‘Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in.  I drink at it; but while I drink I see the sandy bottom and detect how shallow it is. Its thin current slides away, but eternity remains.  I would drink deeper; fish in the sky, whose bottom is pebbly with stars.”  Pure poetry in that prose!

However, it was not just Thoreau’s writing that captured my attention.  That book had been a gift to someone visiting India (I am from India!) from his parents. On the frontispiece which I have photographed above were these inscriptions and I reproduce them as they might be too small to read.  The mother had written, ‘I hope you will enjoy the readings of Thoreau and through his writing, gain a better understanding of his words, “simplicity, simplicity, simplicity.” ‘  The father had written, ‘Open the book anytime and read anywhere in it.  Just read a line or two; it is not necessary to do more than that.  Thoreau’s words are as timely today as when he wrote them.  If you do that you too will soon possess the more perfect Indian wisdom.’

Perhaps the son was going to India in search of spirituality and wisdom.  Perhaps his life was complex and difficult.  Perhaps he was nervous. Perhaps he did not like to read too much or he would not have enough time.  His parents were worried about the journey and gave him this book as reminder of their love and encouragement.  How beautiful!  Even more beautiful that this book came my way as a reminder, ‘Open the book anytime and read anywhere in it.  Just read a line or two; it is not necessary to do more than that!’  I am doing just that- thank you to the parents and the son who made this possible for me.

 

Living lightly- part I

 

I  am writing here after a long time- an eye operation, family upheavals and bereavement, illness and other things took up time.  But I did write elsewhere as a commitment to write everyday, although it is not as enjoyable as writing here.  For here, I write as myself and on whatever takes my fancy.  I am my own captain here.

I meant to write this post in the new year as I sorted out my stuff and seriously took up organising my life.  As I was getting rid of my stuff, mostly books- giving to charity, or people, recycling or selling, I came across this scene at my local library.  Not to let any moment go without buying books, this was so tempting for me.  So tempting until I learnt the story behind this pile of books.  They belonged to a dead man and were being sold to raise money for the library.  These books- new or second hand- were those he had bought, and never read- price labels intact.  Hundreds of boxes underneath the tables!  There were more apparently but the library ran out of space to take this generous gift.

I thought of how much this man had loved reading like I do and yet never found time to read them like I do.  I also have a big collection of books, but not as much as this.  Now that my eyes do not like the strain with the onset of glaucoma, I have started to read as little as possible.  I thought of a time, when I might have to do this or heaven forbid, my children might have to do this when I am gone.  No, no, no!  I felt the sadness of a possession that is never used.  Some people use things as a means of declaring their worth to the world.  Some use books to hide their nervousness of facing the reality.  I realised I read many books on organising and clutter and yet was afraid of actually tackling it.  I hung on to my self improvement books in the hope that I may improve just by reading them or reminding myself of their titles.  But life is lived in the reality, in the existence, in the mess of the world by learning, failing and trying again.  By holding on to a book, not only did I not have to take the action in the real world, I thought its existence on my shelf meant I possessed its qualities too.

So by releasing my ‘crutches’ of books, I found opportunities to engage with people and learn so much more than a solitary instruction of a book.  My life has become richer and my speaking and language have improved.  I feel more confident.  I have an important speech due in ten days.  Normally I would have felt nervous, but now I feel happy to welcome a new way of revealing my thoughts and communicating with people.  Life is experience, life is conversation!  In the moment.

PS- I did buy two books from that table but that is another post!

Finding our purpose

(photo credit: Sumita Sinha)

I have been listening to many inspirational speakers as the grey skies of winter, tiredness and a series of strange incidents try to put a depressing shade to my life.  I have been calm, reflective and quietly bemused.  Listening to the these speakers helped to put things in perspective, find a balance and be inspired.  One of the things I heard from Marianne Williamson (she, whose quote about not hiding yourself is of often attributed to Nelson Mandela) was about life purpose.

I heard this sentence, “If you have life, you have a purpose.”  True and so profound. How often do we think about our failings and compare ourselves to others?  Yet our own unique life is waiting within- all full of purpose.  We don’t have to be young, beautiful or thin or rich to be of purpose.  The Universe does not create without purpose.  Even if we are old, disabled, ill, or whatever- as long we are alive, we have a purpose.  What is that purpose?  That is something we have to find ourselves.  And if we are willing to look, we can surely find it.  To waste our valuable life hours, comparing ourselves to others or envying others, is a slander of our own beautiful and unique selves.  But remember purpose is NOT one’s career.  Purpose is about our calling, our passion and our special talents whatever those may be- baking a cake, putting up a beautiful Christmas tree, writing a research thesis, singing, dancing, making others smile- and being ourselves.  No one can give us our purpose.  We have to find it ourselves.  Thanks to the person who wrote, “we are here to create a purpose for life” on that window of a boarded up building which I can see from where I work.